Are you happy with the person you’ve become? What is the ideal you? How do you determine your ideal self?
Original article was based on the Catholic Cursillo format, for a talk named “Ideal.” This article is about becoming the Ideal you, in other words the best version of your self.My name is Abe Mendez and I’m an executive life coach practicing in Montgomery, AL.
I’m going to ask you to set aside thoughts of all of the many things waiting for you to do. We will always have something that needs doing,. Fortunately most of them will keep until we can get to them. For theses next few minutes I am going to ask you to clear your minds and focus on the article. Please pay close attention, as it’s a simple but important topic and I wouldn’t want you to miss any of the details. You should have paper and pen ready to take down notes.
What exactly is the Ideal you? And how does it come to be? How are our lives ideals influenced and formed? Does the ideal evolve and change? Do we determine it? The Existentialist asks the questions, ‘Who am I? What am I? Where am I going?’ Then he hops on his motorcycle and goes on a long journey, looking to find himself. Fortunately you only have to travel to as far as this article. It’s a lot less expensive and time consuming, plus your family will still welcome you back home.
Today take the time to stop and take an honest look at your lives, what is your meaning and purpose? What direction is your life taking? What impact do you have on those around you?
What is the meaning and direction of your life?
In our early school days, we learned in science class of the three natural kingdoms: the Mineral kingdom, the Plant kingdom and the Animal kingdom. Minerals – rock, sand, water, elements, etc. – are the essential building blocks of life and are necessary for life, but do not contain life with in themselves. Plants live and yet have no conscious life. They have a means of reproduction. They develop and then die. They have no relationships and generally are fixed in place by their roots.
Next in line is the animal kingdom. The Animal Kingdom experiences life, mobility, senses and instinct. The animal kingdom consist of two distinctly different groups, the Rational and Irrational. Irrational animals have life, they are mobile, have senses and are driven by instinct. They react to external stimuli and can learn to a limited extent, but lack the ability to reason.
Rational animals do have the ability to think and reason. Humans are for the most part rational animals, although lately it would seem otherwise. Humans are superior to plants and animals because they are not fixed in place physically or intellectually. Man has the ability to exercise his will and choose his own course. Humans, unlike minerals and animal life, exercise free will, learn from their environment, make decisions, learn from their mistakes and are free to act, pursue what they desire and change direction. All of this is made possible by free will.
Mankind is superior. We have been gifted with a superior intellect and can through free will, choose our actions, and ultimate destinations. Mankind is in possession of game changing gifts:
- Intellect: the capacity to think, and develop ideas
- Freedom: to choose and do what we desire
- A Will: the capacity to make up one’s mind.
With the combination of those gifts we have the ability to order our actions and achieve our desired end.
So what is an Ideal?
Ideal is defined as the collection of ideas, aspirations and preferences that center our lives and decides our will. It is also the driving force that turns our efforts into realities, attracts a person and moves him toward its attainment. It sums up happiness for the person. It is the axis of that person’s life.
Ideas are what we think and reflect on. Ordering them, giving them meaning according to our own aspirations and preferences, creates the ideal. It is in ordering life according to the Ideal that gives meaning to life.
The two elements of the Ideal are Vision and Motivation.
Vision
Vision is the static or fixed element of an Ideal. Vision is a combination of ideas, aspirations, preferences, feelings and convictions which supply the driving force that moves us towards a determined purpose. Vision provides us the ability to judge and select what pleases us, like choosing one carrier over another. It helps us center our lives. We are always drawn toward those ideas, aspirations, and preferences which contribute to our interests.
Think of Vision as a target rifle. We know where the targets are, how far the targets are and what we need to do to hit a target. We then decide to shoot a particular target. That’s our vision. We use the components of the rifle, stock, barrel, sights and trigger to get us on target. The sights gives the flight of the bullet direction. If the shooter of the gun doesn’t know what it takes to get on target then aiming will not be of any use. Shooting aimlessly and not hitting your target is the consequence of not having a vision.
Example of an Ideal Vision
Charles Carroll was born in 1737, in Annapolis Maryland to a wealthy Roman Catholic family. He was known for many of his accomplishments. Charles was admired as having a brilliant mind. He was thought to be the richest man in America. He was one of the signers of the Declaration of independence. In fact, he was the last surviving signer of that historical document, a document that ultimately led to a British colony becoming one of the world’s most powerful countries. Charles Carroll grew up in a land that was ruled by British Crown the law of the land in colonial America was under the influence of anti-Catholic sentiments and as such had many restrictions as to what Catholics could do or better put not do. He was prohibited from public office, from participating in the militia, practicing law or even voting. Although his family owned land and had wealth they lived in constant fear that everything could be taken from them.
Charles was sent to France when he was only eight years old for a formal education with the Jesuits. It was there that his Ideal self began to take form. He remained in Europe until he was 26 years old. Charles’ visions were of independence from England and freedom from unfair limitations imposed on Catholics who would not convert and become protestant. He was among the first to express his disdain towards the unfair practice of taxes without representation. He foresaw the ultimate defeat of the British even before the war began. Carroll was an early and eager participant in the early circles of the group later known as the Patriots. He advocated armed resistance with the ultimate goal of separation from Britain. To fulfill his vision of a free America, he offered his services to the first Continental Congress and was enlisted in a diplomatic mission to Canada. He was then elected to represent Maryland on the fourth of July and served in the Congress on the Board of War through most of the Revolution. Carroll was later elected to the Maryland Senate and to the first Federal Congress. To achieve his ideal vision of a free America, Carroll put everything he and his family owned on the line. He committed his vast wealth to the success of the Revolution. If it were not for his significant contributions, we may not now being living in this great country that he loved.
Carroll had a Ideal of what this country could become and it was that Ideal that drove him and compelled him to devote so much. It was his vision of the Ideal America that eventually led him to become the all giving and unselfish man that he became. As a result of his efforts and values Carroll became the best version of his self, achieving his Ideal. Carroll was not alone in his pursuit for liberty and justice, he was in the good company of men like Benjamin Franklin who had similar visions and passions. Where would this country be if were not for men of vision like Charles Carroll?
Motivation
Motivation is the dynamic element of an ideal. It is the life-giving force that drives us, often pushing as well us pulling us toward our Ideal. It provides us with the energy to achieve our vision. Motivation is our desire to consciously pursue our ideal. It is the force necessary for our ideas to become real and not just false day dreams that never come true. Motivation gathers the components available to us, enabling us to identify the target, focus, aim and ultimately hit the bull’s-eye.Vision and motivation must be present or it is not an Ideal. Without vision, we cannot know our Ideal. Without motivation, we cannot move toward the accomplishment of our Ideal.
In childhood our motivations would be driven by the most basic of needs: food, shelter, human touch, affirmation and learning to walk. When we begin to mature our ideals change along with the development of our bodies. The focus is now on excelling in sports, academia and making friends. As young adults, our ideals evolve yet again. We begin to urgently look for a mate. The focus centers on developing a career and finding our own way in life. When we become fully matured Adults, our ideal changes once again. A new vision motivates us to see after the needs of others. Our concerns grow in seriousness, health, spirituality, community and the winding down of life’s driving forces have a sobering effect. The ideal evolves with the person. Maturity, life experiences and a developing intellect influence and form our Ideal.
There are two forms of the Ideal: the Authentic Ideal and the False ideal.
The Authentic Ideal
An authentic ideal elevates human actions to a more superior level than those of animals, since they give content and meaning, not only to ones actions, but to all of life. Without an authentic Ideal we are like a target rifle without its sights. One cannot hit a target they are not aiming for. Our lives are a result of our Ideals. That is the reason it is important that our Ideal be authentic and fully capable of fulfilling our needs.
An authentic Ideal should have present the motivation that provides the driving force needed to fulfill one’s personal growth potential. The authentic Ideal deals with the attainable. If it is unattainable, it could only frustrate the possibility of achieving full and meaningful potential. The authentic ideal gives us a higher purpose. It contributes to a life more fully capable of selfless actions.
The authentic Ideal elevates mankind, causing our actions to far surpass that of the Animal Kingdom .The Ideal is formed and contributed to by life experiences. The choices we make or don’t make and the consequences both positive and negative, result in the life one lives. When the authentic ideal is present life can be full of satisfying and fruitful experiences. When the authentic Ideal has been substituted by a false Ideal, the life experience cannot be fully realized and is found lacking.
The False Ideal
False Ideals have a way of forming by default. They are often found in our inability to commit fully to our true potential. When we compromise our values and go against our own intuition the stage is set for a false Ideal. False Ideals don’t just happen, we allow them to happen. It is difficult, if not impossible, to feel truly fulfilled when we are living not living up to our full potential.
One can be driven to accomplish great successes in the business world, accumulate wealth, and then use the wealth to acquire all of the material things that one could possibly desire, only to find that he has lost all that was actually worth having: family, friends, and even peace of mind. The false Ideal would then once again have claimed another victim. The authentic Ideal would have provided the motivation for a truly successful man to use his wealth to improve the conditions his family, friends and community. The likely results would be a devoted family, loyal friends and a grateful community.
The authentic ideal gives optimism and direction to our actions, doing what we do by conviction, not by impulse. We know where we’re going and why. When a man’s life is directed by his convictions, his ideal has the potential to become fully realized. A proper Ideal gives a man the tools to improve himself.
On the other hand, the false ideal discourages, disheartens and acts as a diversion. It prevents one from striving for a new, and authentic ideal. False Ideals are perpetuated by the new norms of a culture that is heavily influenced by media and ad campaigns; both of which have little to do with what it really means to experience authentic fulfillment. Discerning actual ideals from false Ideals can be tricky. Caution should be the rule when considering the difference. Remember the authentic Ideal can be verified by both the qualities that are present as well as those that are absent.
Ideals are everywhere, endless in number and take on many different forms.
Authentic Ideals are easily identified by their nature. They usually give more then they take. They can be identified by the presences of purpose, generosity, thoughtfulness of others and many other positive aspects, including the attention to personal growth and self-fulfillment. Actual Ideals help us to zero in on attainable goals, achieve our full potential and enable us to identify the right target. Then using all of our combined skills, resources and potential we can hit the target on the bull’s-eye.
So then what is an Ideal?
It is the center of our goals.
The combination of ideas, aspirations, and preferences.
It sums up a person’s happiness.
It is the center piece of a person’s life.
I want you to ask yourself a simple but thought provoking question.
What is your ideal? Are you living it?
To uncover the answer to your ideal.
Look to where your focus is in
your thoughts,
your free time,
your money and where
your energies go.
That’s it, there is your ideal.
Is it of your choosing or is it by default?
Contact Coach Abe at Abe@talkitout.biz or 334-657-9191.